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Aliens Land in LaGuardia

QUEENS, New York — A flying saucer has reportedly landed at LaGuardia Airport, in the Queens boro of New York City. An astonished crowd gawked in nervous anticipation. Immigration and Naturalization representatives rapidly approached the vehicle of indeterminate extraterrestrial origin. “We’ll need to see their documents, and if they think they’ll be able to leave the airport without proper authorization, they’re mistaken,” said Rafael Quedate Encasa, chief INS officer on location.

As police officers rushed to the scene, gawkers watched as the device emitted jets of water in an apparent attempt at intergalactic communication. Bystanders were able to capture cell phone video recordings of the communications attempts.

Following the communications display, interpreters and translators were rushed by taxi from the United Nations headquarters. Three hours later they arrived, sweaty and exhausted, and immediately began the task of interpreting. Lead interpreter, Mr. Mahu Amar from the UN’s middle eastern desk, held a press conference.

“From the best of our knowledge, the following message is being conveyed by our visitors: ‘We’ll have two sesame bagels with cream cheese, an apple turnover, a blueberry muffin, and a coffee, black, no sugar. Please.'”

A startled gasp escaped from the audience. Soon after, a worker wearing a Zaro’s Baked Goods t-shirt ran at top speed back to her station while barking out the order to her astonished co-workers.

Suddenly, the water messages resumed. ‘

Mr. Amar observed intently and quickly added:

They say – “To Go.”